Sticks and Stones Have Nothing on Words

     I rarely use this blog anymore, not because I don't want to but mainly because I've come to realize that my life is my own. That every little thought I have doesn't need to be shared with the world and especially not online.  I'm a big believer in this media and that we can use it for so much good but I don't think we need to use to to share our every thoughts. But, I have a few opinions I'm ready to share. Maybe no one will read this, maybe no one will ever even see this, or maybe I'll never post it. But, It's time to let it all out for whoever will hear it. There are so many things I could cover in this post but there are only a few I will focus on. Mistakes made by myself and others, my choices and paths in life and my upbringing and the things I would never change. 

     My life is not in a place I thought it would never be in. I feel a mess, I've accomplished close to nothing educationally. I've given up on things that I could have and should have seen through. I've broken friendships to endorse other unhealthy ones. And, I've changed my attitude in a negative way multiple times. On the other hand I have been brave, strong and kind. I've seen a world outside of my values and said no to it. I've been the adult in situations involving those much more adult than I and I've improved my self in ways I never would have before.

     I have made mistakes, I have said things both on Social Media and in my life that I might not have meant or that I at least shouldn't have put out there. I know that my words have been worse than sticks and stones to others and I want to make that change. I want to see the good in those I view as bad. I will not change my opinions I will continue to dislike people who give me every reason too but I will no longer add to the slander of those who are good talented and strong people. 

     I was raised in, around and belonging to the the teachings and testaments of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or better known as "The Mormon Church" It is through those teachings and testaments that I formed the opinions and values that have made me who I am. Because I know the kindness of these teachings I know I must share that kindness with others, I know that I should be grateful, be smart. be clean, be true, be humble, and be prayerful. But now is that time that I would like to be honest. I hope this to be the only section of this post others will read with an open mind, because I'm not holding back a second of my valuable opinion.

     It is not your right to judge or say anything about the way I live my life and the choices I have made. I have been driven from many trips Utah in tears because of the ridicule and judgement of the people there. If you read this and have known you've said something about my choices know that you are responsible for my tears and you are responsible for the reason I no longer want to share the kindness of my childhood with those around me. 

     I get asked weekly if I am Mormon and my response remains. "I was raised Mormon." And let me tell you clearly... it is an upbringing I wish upon all children. It is an upbringing of good and strong values outside and inside the church. It is an upbringing of kindness and love. But being from the area I am, it is an upbringing of judgement, and belittling. A few things that if you're stuck around for a long time will tear you apart. 

     In my High School years I watched people I looked up to return from their missions early. Some for health reason, or faith reason and some for down right personal reasons. I watch those reasons become nothing more than a "failure" to those witnessing them. I saw people post things along the lines of "you weren't strong enough", "get back out there as soon as you can", and "another one bites the dust" and I coward in fear of ever leaving the comfort of the closed minded opinions I was raised around because of the things that would be said about me.

     I am proud of the place in the church I took part in and I will continue to believe on the side the teachings and testaments I remember most. At this time I don't attend church and maybe I never will again. But those belief's that I do still choose to follow I will not share with the public or even those closest to me. I believe there is a god and that my relationship with him belongs to no one else's mind. But I also believe that those who don't believe in God or those that believe in other gods are not wrong. They are right and hey have a right to get to see the world in their way and love every moment of it with out a second of judgement from me. 

     I recently saw The Book of Mormon Musical on it's tour in Costa Mesa California. This show has more heart and more love than half the church related Facebook posts from home I've seen in the better part of a year. The missionaries of the church in this show teach quite the opposite of the Book of Mormon. However they do so with the intentions of helping those in their Uganda mission. Knowing it's the only way they will listen. In the end they teach good morals and love even if they do it through a few swear words, a big "gay" dance number and a dancing Starbucks cup. After posting photos of me at this show I received comments and messages about me falling away, or that this show would not bring me closer to Christ. And you're right it won't, I knew that going in but; it sure as hell brought me closer to the kind of person I would like to be. One that teaches values over selfish opinions and one that laughs loudly at the ridicule of others to remain happy being the person they are. I am strong in who I am and I am not falling away. I am not becoming a bad person and I am absolutely not leading my life down a path of darkness. 

     This is the final word I have on those who've ridiculed me. You no longer have hold of me or my opinions. Do not take the teachings of a kind savior and use them for your own selfish gain, do not mistake missionary work as a way to judge those who choose not to follow your teachings. In the end my friends, these aren't your teachings they are gods. And I don't ever remember a teaching of God that said,"You can emotionally harm those around you with my words to make yourself feel like a 'good' member of the church" 

     As I get older maybe I'll regret the things I've written here, or maybe I'll see how wise I really was in these years of my life. But I know that as each day passes I grow stronger in who I am and the life I'm leading. As I pass my year and a half mark this May at the Walt Disney Company I hope and pray that I can continue to -through the magic of this place- realize my beliefs and learn to be the person I always wanted to be. Being away from my family has been the biggest challenge yet. Knowing they're back home laughing, making memories and having good times is sad to think of. But I know I am where I need to be.

I am in a place where I feel just as loved as if I were in my own home. I feel supported by those around me and can't go a single day with out a big smile. For the first time in my life I can go out and not feel judged. I thank my family for the support they have given me. As I summon up the courage to go for another year and a half here I only ask those back home to keep their opinions on my life and my accomplishments to them selves. As my title says, sticks and stones have nothing on words and I will no longer stand for the things being said about me. If you know you're saying them. Stop. Focus more on your life and becoming a better person. I promise I know from experience it's much better for you in the end.